The weather/day is looking up!

I had a heart to heart with my Emmy today about blogs and facebook.  I always feel behind and unable to express everything that has transpired.  It leaves me feeling like it is another chore to finish rather than something rewarding.  I am not sure but, I bet we all feel a kind of pressure to maintain this "interwebs" existance and I never have time in my day to indulge.  I am sure I am the only one putting this pressure on myself, however it is real to me and so I made a decision.  I am going to follow Nienie example and write about today and the moment.  It might be as simple as a thought or sentence.  I don't want to worry that my blog is too redundant and boring or like everyone elses.  So I am resigned to write for me, as a journal.  Which is my reason for starting a blog and not worry what anyone will think.  It is so weird to admit that sometimes I care what someone thinks of me. What  a heavy thought.

Anyways.

Today was a trying day...my eyes feel heavy with the weight of today's challenges.  However I was determined to fight through it; so the kids and I went on a bike ride.  It was so rewarding to feel the cool crisp air and get exercise (my secret anti-depressant) I just want to point out that you know it has been a good day when you smell like dirt.  (Sexy, huh? Jake.)  My idea seemed to have worked and it started a change in the day's taxing rhythm.  We saw a cute girlfriend sitting in her rocking chair, enjoying the efforts of her beautiful yard, with her baby boy (whom I love and he loves Sissy) playing in the sandbox.  I wish I had a camera; it was serene. 
I am so impressed with Sissy and the distance we went.  And Andrew is such a kid.  Let me explain, this year I have realized over and over again that he is not a baby anymore.  It is really a trip.  Today was no exception as I watched him ride his bike all over and teach himself really incredible tricks...tricks that I have never even thought of trying.  Man is this a new chapter in my book?  Maybe?  I am not sure I am ready to admit this yet.

All is well.

Happy Mother's Day

I saw this video on lds.org today and I was in awe of the aesthetic portrayal of a mother. I have followed Stephanie's blog and I care for this woman, a woman whom I have never met. I think her message is so simple and sweet. We are so lucky to be mothers and everyday is beautiful!
I share this feeling of love and I feel so lucky to be a mother. My children are so dear to me and I am writing this post for them in the future, when they are parents. As I struggled to bring my babies into this world I never thought of anything but my children. Their spirits were so present the moment I knew I was pregnant. I immediately felt a love that I had never felt before; a sense of caring and protection, nothing mattered to me except their existance, even despite the fact that my deteriating body was literally giving them everything I had to bring them into the world. I would do it all again! They are worth every sacrifice and hardship. I sometimes forget how much I gave, forget the experience and forget their worth and true cost. Andrew will remind me by touching my scars and say (matter of factly) that is from me and this is from Gracie. I don't even choose to recall that time because somedays it is too painful to know that we won't be able to have any more babies that way. However, I look at my smiling little ones and feel truly grateful! I think Stephanie's story is a constant reminder that a mother-child relationship is precious and most rare. It is so intimate and there is nothing like this bond. In a way she is unique because here trials will always be there as a reminder of this, and it is another reminder for me of what I have. Put simply, it is important for us to do the same. Time goes so fast, make each moment count and savor the day to day. I love you Andrew! I love you Gracie! You make my life so rich! Thank you a hundred times every day.

Happy Mother's Day, you wonderful moms!

I love you mom.

Click on the link below and open to full screen to see the video that started this thought...
My New Life

Check This Out!

I added a column of blogs I enjoy or websitez my kids cannot live without. My favorite is about a woman who is so creative in her party planning that you wish you were her best friend.  Should I stalker her?

permanently-disco.blogspot.com

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Peace Out.

I Missed My Blog....

I have so much to say, so much to document, more for myself.  Mainly to remember this time in my life.  I have been away (from my blog) for so long I feel like I have to play catch up and therefore everything becomes rushed and I miss me in the equation.  So I am starting slow and with something that has been on my mind.

Recently one of my favorite bloggers was featured on the Oprah show.  I wish I had time for Oprah and unfortunately I missed the whole episode, but caught this clip that says so much and is exactly how I feel about motherhood....

http://www.oprah.com/media/20090924-tows-stephanie-struggle-crash


Jake and I having been following her blog for years and I have alway love the aesthetics and the poetry and the love story.  I related to the idea of being a mom and wanting nothing more.  And I secretly want to take pictures as well as (I assume) she does.  Then it became all about the crash and the tragedy and loss of something and everything and now I see nothing.  I still pain for her...that is the best way to describe it.  However I also admire this stranger and she inspires me to be a better person.  I love having simple and beautiful things in your life to remind you of what is really important.  The pumpkins on the porch and the crispness in the air and the sun peeking through the clouds and you children and the ability to hold them.   This morning was a hard morning to get up but my favorite part (of my day) was that all four of us were snuggling in bed.  Gracie announced like she does "Mommy you're my most favoritest mommy ever." And asked Daddy to move so she could be by me.  Jake was holding me at the time and Andrew was cuddling on the other side.  How am I so lucky, to be loved by all, in my bed, the moment my eyes open.  Yes we were late to church, however I thought about this morning all day long and it made me happy.  I get to overworked and overwhelmed and I take to many things for granted (including the three that love me the most), however Stephanie before and after the crash reminds me of what I truly love....

To all my good girlfriends, here is a little gift from me to you, enjoy.
http://www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/

Chinese Valentine's Day

Happy Chinese Valentine's Day

Our Daddy came home from work and surprised his girls with these gorgeous flowers.  Gracie happened to be sitting at the kitchen (unaware of his homecoming) when Jake put the flowers right in front of her and she scream/exclaimed OHHH MYYY GOOODNESSS!  It was classic.  

We love our man.  He is so incredible and thoughtful.  We are lucky girls.  I will have to stop gushing because he hates this kind of thing, however I could go on.  Anyways, ladies try not to be to hard on your men for forgetting Chinese Valentine's Day. Have a good one.

Gracie loves to pose for pictures.  This is all her.

Fishing

Fishing....I forgot how fun it is. Last week we went on a camping trip with Joan and Lamar to Bridger Lake. It was gorgeous and pretty relaxing. We started off with a bang Grandpa taught Andrew how to ride a bike with out training wheels. It is amazing how fast he got it, I was in the trailer and I heard Lamar say "let get those off" and then less than five minutes Andrew yelled "Mommy come see this." Now he rides like a pro.

But lets be honest this trip was all about fishing. You could see how excited Andrew and Grandpa were to get started. Andrew shadowed Grandpa every move. They caught 5 the first day and only one "didn't make it" and it really bothered Andrew so Grandpa fixed it by throwing it away for a little raccoon family with babies. This seemed to calm Andrew's worries. He tried this approach the next day when Gracie's first one "didn't make it." He said it went back to his mommy and threw it over his shoulder. It hit a tree and every branch on its way down. Joan then suggested that he should take it home to her parents and so he started searching for it, which it was hidden pretty good. He brought it back to the kids and started to gut it in front of them (their faces were stunned) and then the kids began to question where this fish came from and whose it was and you could see them putting it all together and that was when Grandpa got caught in his lie. He should have known my kids are too smart. It was so funny, it felt like watching an episode of I Love Lucy, as Grandpa kept trying to fix his story but each time he tried to take care of something it just kept working out opposite of what he had hoped.

Gracie and Andrew had such different fishing styles: Andrew was serious and quiet. Gracie was so girly and squealy. In fact the girls were all about the relaxing, reading and playing barbies, until I got hooked, when I help reel one in. Then it was all about the fishing and I cannot wait to fish again. By the end of the trip we had caught 14 fish (Andrew 10, Mommy 2 and Gracie 2).

Gracie and I were enjoying the animals we saw baby ducks, butterflies, chipmunks, and a bald eagle. That was fascinating. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa we had the best time.

Happy Father's Day

First, I hope all you dads had a wonderful day. You deserve it. I was blogging along side Jake and we came across this video put out by the LDS Church; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhqRMP9meMc ( I am a sucker for a good mormon ad). It made me think of the father figures that have been influential in my life. I want to mention two:


Me, Joey and my Dad.

First there is my dad. I have always been a daddy's girl (sorry mom). I remember singing in primary, I am talking sunbeam age, "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home" and having the realization "I am so glad when my daddy comes home." I knew my dad was the best dad in the world. I always thought that he was 'better than your dad'...you know stronger that yours, a greater protector than yours, and better looking than yours. When I was in the third grade I wrote a report about my hero, my dad. Dad you have been such a driving force in my life and I want to thank you for your great advice, your comforting hugs, your strong hands and you unconditional love.


Jake and the kids

Next there is my sweet husband, whom I loving call Daddy. When Jake and I got married he had big shoes to fill when it came to being a father. I wanted him to be just like my dad, but I soon figured out that Jake is a different person. As I watched Jake literally become a father there was a glow that filled him and such happiness in his already smiley eyes. I let go of any expectations I had and knew that he would be perfect for our kids just the way my dad is perfect for me.

Jake is the best Daddy in the world because...He is so loving and patient. He tickles backs and sings you to sleep. He coaches soccer and tennis. He races with you and lets you win. He does your hair when Mommy away. He calls you princess and little man. He listens. He always kisses you goodbye. He picks up where my short comings leave off. He is a hard worker and a great provider. He wrestles with the kids and dog. He cleans up after the kid's pets. His stern voice is so loving and he has comforting hands. But most importantly he is the biggest kid of us all. I know that he learned many of these traits from his incredible father, whom I am indebted. (I love and adore you Lamar.)

Jake you are treasured and I love the father that you are, Happy fathers day.

Always.

Andrew's Big News in his own words

My tooth fell out on Thursday. I am really glad. I got some money from the tooth fairy. (It was the tooth) On the front on my teeth, on the right. After Susie's (his aunt) game I was wiggling my tooth. I pushed it all the way back and all the way forth. I twisted it and it got really loose. My mommy put dental floss on my tooth and crossed it around on my tooth and she pulled it really hard and it fell out. I just all my want all my friends and family to know that my tooth fell out. I am working on the other tooth. Goodbye.

(Parenthesise are my words and the rest is Andrews.)

Gracie would like to tell everybody that my brother's tooth fell out. And I hope I play tea with them and I hope I see you again, bye bye.

Gracie's Photography

I have added a new gadget called Gracie's Photography (It is in the right column). This year at school my kids entered the reflection contest (for the first time). They took pictures on one of our hikes and won in their categories. Since then they (both Gracie and Andrew) love to take pictures. Gracie seems to be the one who is constantly taking pictures and she has such an interesting point of view. So I started this segment primarily because my family always wants to see her photos. So (drum roll please) I am sharing them with the world...well my world. Enjoy.

Spring is Here?!?

California Beach Flower


I don't know if I dare say it....but I hope and pray that spring is here to stay. (Yes I am a poet) I love the stinking fresh air. We have been outside everyday this week and man I cannot believe what a difference it makes. I am the kind of person that goes with the flow. So I didn't realize how much the weather was disappointing me and making me apathetic. Now I wake up happier and with more energy and I make the time to be with my kids and dog playing outside. My house cleaning and business seem to take a back burner and because of that I feel more balance and less guilty about juggling time with my kids. Anyways I wanted to wish you all a happy Spring Break and Easter and we love you. Maybe we will see you soon...outside.


My Granny's Garden